How to Intentionally Create the Perfect Day—Everyday

This essay is crazy talk.

Yesterday was the perfect day, a snapshot of what every day could be like in my ideal world.

We all know that life interferes. That’s what life does. I used to think that these sorts of days, the perfect ones, were anomalies, but over the years, it hit me that they could actually be planned and implemented.

I’m writing about perfect days.

I’m not going to define a perfect day here. What’s perfect for me will not be perfect for you. We both, however, need to find that day and what that day is and then define that day when it happens so it can be repeated. That’s what this essay is all about.

A perfect day feels effortless to me. It’s a full day of being in the Zone. When things happen, rather than letting them derail me, I suck them into the Zone, as well. It’s about control. I can’t control the circumstances, but I can control how I incorporate them into my life and the emotional power I give them. What I strive for is a day of purposeful alignment. When I work, I want it to be meaningful. When I act, react, or converse with others, I want the conversation to be rich and deep, not superficial. I don’t set out each day to be productive. Productivity is a byproduct. I set out each day to be fulfilled. I used to think that these days happened by accident. They don’t. They aren’t coincidental; they are intentional.

Perfect days aren’t about being extraordinary. Just the opposite. They are about being ordinary and uneventfully everyday. Perfect days are not about a once-in-a-lifetime adventure. They are about feeling fulfilled simply at the end of the day. For example, yesterday, I awoke and laid in bed for thirty minutes thinking about my day, aligning it with the knowledge that there would be distractions but getting clear focus in my head. I’m not a morning person so I get the coffee pot ready the night before. I get up, get ready, and put on my work clothes (I got this from Fred Astaire: dress every day as though you are going to work, even if your work means going to the next room and typing all day). Getting properly dressed for work, no matter what you do, puts you in that mindset (wear the costume of success). I work for a bit, getting my word count in for the day. I keep phones and emails quiet, so there are no distractions. After about three mugs of coffee and 1,500 words typed, I take a break and have breakfast. My favorite breakfasts are with my family or close friends. These are at home, though. Going out takes away quality time. Thirty minutes to a destination, then waiting for food, then thirty minutes back can be at least two hours of your morning that will leave you unfulfilled by the end of the day. After breakfast, I switch to iced tea (I drink about a gallon of it unsweet every day). I then type another 1,500 words. Following this, early afternoons are spent taking care of business, interacting with my team members at American Blackguard Entertainment, doing interviews, and answering correspondence. Because breakfast is late, usually lunch isn’t on my mind. At around two, it’s time to go take a walk. My walks are not crazy run-yourself-to-death exercises, but between one and six miles walks that allow me to think. I love the woods and the seaside. Neighborhoods turn me off. (It’s important to know what turns you off.) Cities excite some; the sound of a mockingbird or the sight of an alligator are my peaceful moments. It’s then time for an early dinner. After that, it may be sitting outside alone or with friends, reflecting on the day, and watching the sun go down. When I’m in Florida, a flying squirrel comes by every evening to greet me. We say hello, she moves on, and we both have our routine. A shower usually comes next, followed by a few hours of intentional reading or watching an intentional movie. Then, it is hot teatime with my wife, and we talk about each other’s days. She goes to bed. I read some more. Then I lie in bed at night before going to sleep and think about all the blessings of my life, what was most joyous about the day, and then somewhere I drift off to sleep only to awaken with the sunrise the following day to the glorious but monotonous routine again. It is pure joy. My days are not cataclysmic. They are joyful. They are perfect.

My life may not be for you, but I offer my version of a perfect day as an example. You have your life. You have your own definition of a perfect day. What I want you to do is discover what gives you joy. For me, it concentrates on my work, self-expression, love of learning, and time with my family. You’ll have other priorities. The important thing is to identify it. I laid out the perfect day. I can recreate it. That is the point of this essay. You can create your own perfect day, every day, based on what gives you joy and fulfillment, which only you can define.

Define What “Perfect” Means to You

A perfect day for me is not the same as a perfect day for you. You will need to define your life, but the effort you make to do so is well worth it. A perfect day for you means making time and space for what matters most to you and what gives you the greatest peace and self-fulfillment.

For me, this comes down to four things that include creative work (time to write, brainstorm, or develop ideas), connection (conversations with people who inspire or energize me, usually my wife, kids, other writers, my team members), reflection (a time to think about whether my day moved me forward in some way that gives me joy), and self-improvement (how am I a better person, more skilled, more content, more peaceful, or more knowledgeable today that I was yesterday and how can I make this life of mine even more so tomorrow). Life happens to us like a boat tossed upon the water, going where the current leads, unless we take the oar in our hands and direct the boat. It’s all about directing the boat.

Think about it. What would your perfect day look like? I find it best if I write it down. I keep a journal that includes these thoughts, but any old scrap of paper will do. Writing it down, to me, makes it objective, a solid goal, a goal for happiness, contentment, fulfillment. Take even just five minutes to write it down. What activities can you do tomorrow to make you feel accomplished, joyful, and at peace? Note I said, “Tomorrow.” I believe in intentionality. I decide tonight what my tomorrow will look like and then hold the oar tightly. That’s how I make my days perfect. That’s how you will, too.

Start the Day with Intention

Mornings set the tone. There’s no morning rushing for me. Rushing makes the rest of the day stressful. Start slow with intention, and the rest of the day will stay that course. If you feel rushed in the morning, get up a little earlier to give yourself extra time. It is well worth the loss of a few minutes of sleep. There was a time when I’d wake up, immediately grab my phone, and start scrolling through texts and emails before I ever went to the shower. On those days, my mind started scattered even before the day began and stayed that way. So, what do I do now?

I get up early and slowly. I rise slowly, like the sun. I don’t go to my phone. I go turn on the coffee pot. I take a shower. I get dressed. I get my coffee. I look outside at the glorious day (even a stormy or foggy day is full of enticement). I keep my mind still and think about all the wonderful things that will happen today. (You don’t do this by accident; you purposely look for that good.) With coffee mug in hand, I make my way to my office and make a few notes about what I’m going to do today, expanding upon the initial notes I made the night before (remember, I decide the day before that I’m always going to have a great day tomorrow). And then, I get to work.

I challenge you to look at how you start your mornings. What sets you off in a positive way? What sets you off in a stressful way? It’s your day. It’s your life. Adjust these triggers—positive and negative—accordingly. You are already into today as you read this, but tonight, write down your perfect day for tomorrow. Start giving it a try. Like any skill, you’ll fail, but you keep practicing. Reinforce what works for you and what makes you feel fulfilled with a perfect day at the end of each day, and eliminate those things that are negative triggers. It will take some time, maybe weeks, to clarify it, but with a mindful and conscious effort, you will define what makes the perfect day for you.

Prioritize What Matters Most

Early in my life, I was busy. I was so busy that I got very few important things done in the time I put into my overworked life. Then, it hit me somewhere along the way that busyness is not effective. I opted to be effective. Before this discovery, I found myself always juggling multiple projects, constantly stressfully working to push them through, making accomplishments, of course, but it felt almost as though I was running in circles. I know you have that feeling, too, at times. I needed projects that didn’t just keep me busy and even accomplish things but also things that moved me forward. So, I made a rule for myself to write first. No emails, meetings, social media, nothing, until I had written that first batch of 1,500 words. It changed my life.

You may not be a writer. Or, if you are a writer, your brain will work differently than mine. But regardless of how our minds are set, we all have that one thing—one thing (for me, it is writing)—that makes the day feel like a win. What is your one thing? Maybe it is writing, or perhaps it is planning, spending time with someone important, or excelling at whatever non-writing work you do. Whatever that one thing is, do it first. Don’t let anything step in front of it. I got so dogmatic in this that I even came to the clear conclusion that if something terrible happened to someone, they should see a doctor, not me. I needed to write. If someone died, there certainly wasn’t anything I could do about that. I needed to write. I became crazily (to some) dogmatic. It changed my life. Yes, illness and death, in reality, would alter the trajectory of your day, but you get the point. It must take some earth-shattering event to get me off my one important thing. I want you to have that same kind of dedication and loyalty to your one important thing. Whatever else happens in your life can wait until that one thing that will change your day can happen.

Balance Productivity and Creativity

Writers will tell you that sometimes their best ideas come to them, not when they are typing, but when they are not working: walking through the woods, listening to music, reading, staring at the ocean, looking at the lake, watching the sun go down while sitting on the balcony. It’s essential to have that balance to let the creative subconscious work. I can remember those days when I tried to power through everything. It doesn’t work. Sometimes, you can waste a lot of time sitting and staring at a screen without any plans for moving forward. For me, I make plans, usually the day before, and then when I sit down in the morning, I’m ready to go, prepared to get my first 1,500. This previous day's planning comes when you allow yourself to step away. If you’re staring at the clouds, tell your boss you’re working, and when you finish, it will be brilliant—because it may very well be. Our minds need space to breathe, just like our bodies.

When did you let your mind wander without feeling guilty about it? Most people can’t remember that time. They are too busy. While they are busy, life passes by. Another day gone. Let your mind wander. You’ll discover wonderful things. Don’t be afraid of the silence. Fall into it. Take a walk, listen to music, or—my favorite—sit silently and see what fantastic ideas emerge.

Connect with Others

Sometimes, the best days aren’t about what we accomplish. I used to think that, but it isn’t true. The best days are when we can share what we’ve achieved with others. For me, that’s my family. My favorite moments at the Killer Nashville International Writers’ Conference and other events I attend aren’t about nailing it with some keynote speech or special breakout class. It’s conversations I have with friends, old and new, who I see at the events. It’s not what I do. It’s who I share what I do. That makes life worthwhile. In those times, there is no agenda, no deadlines, just making connections with other humans who share my same philosophy. (Put me at a table with some Negative Nellies, and I have something else I need to do within five minutes. Give me a polite excuse, and goodbye.) 

My point is to make time for those that matter, especially your spouse and kids. You’ll change their lives while yours changes, as well. Make time for your family every day. At the end of your life, this is what matters. Nothing else. Take the time to send a quick message to someone you appreciate or who has made a difference in your life. When you’ve gotten those notes from someone, don’t they put you on a high? Take the time to keep relationships going by calling a mentor or friend to check in. You need no agenda. If it is your thing, engage with a community (I’m more likely to engage with my family), such as writers’ groups, book clubs, academic colleagues, and others who share your interests. Make sure, though, that these gatherings are not gripe sessions. Leave those promptly. Discard those people who bring you down. They are toxic poison. Surround yourself with those that lift you and make the end of your day perfect. If those you are with are not icing on the cake, refuse to eat that dessert. It will kill you.

Savor the Moments

When my wife and I take Backroads trips, we always seem to win the “stop and smell the roses” award. We’re always late getting back, and we always make too many stops. We always take breaks to see something beautiful and discuss what it means. It makes a difference.

I used to rush through my days thinking constantly as I was doing one thing what I was going to do next. This is not being in the Zone. In the Zone means focusing only on what you are doing now, savoring that moment. Whatever the moment is, I’m totally in it. I’m absorbing, learning, growing peaceful, becoming reflective. If I’m not doing it, I’ve learned the discipline and courage to skip that scene. Each moment intentionally must mean something to me. Because I fight for that intentionality, I find those days perfect. When I let down my guard and get drawn into the drama or activities of others, I find my perfect day suffers. You must take a stand: nothing will interfere with your perfect day. Until you make that stand, you’ll keep compromising. It may sound cold, but hey, it is your life. Choose to live perfect days or choose not to, but either way, it is your life. And that life is one moment followed by another moment. Savor and be immersed in all of them. Eat meals without distractions. Listen to a song, not as background noise, but with intention without multitasking. Step outside and watch the birds or the cars go by. Live in every moment, and don’t let anyone pull you from it. Call it selfish; I call it life.

End the Day with Reflection

Ending the day with reflection, for me, is the key. It relives the joy while reinforcing the high I feel and want to feel the next day. I also think about the things that went less-than-stellar and resolve not to do those things tomorrow. Even on the most challenging days, though, I always try to find something to be grateful for. I view myself as a spiritual guy (though you don’t have to be), but I say a little prayer of thanks for all the people I love, for all the things I got to enjoy during the day, for all the lives I’ve touched, for the all the lives that have touched mine, and I go to sleep at peace.

Before you go to sleep tonight, take a minute to reflect. Think about what went well and what you can replicate tomorrow. Think about how tomorrow is going to be the perfect day. Think about what derailed you today (or, more likely, who derailed you) and vow that’s not going to happen again, and preplan how you’re going to avoid it. Go to bed optimistic that tomorrow, even if today wasn’t, will be your perfect day.

The Compound Effect of Intentional Days

One intentional day lived leads to another intentional day lived. Before you know it, weeks are constructed of perfect days. Then months. Then, a lifetime. With so many people wanting to derail you or tell you what you need to be doing, it is so easy to give up control of your life and let others live your life rather than you. Take control. What’s one small thing you can do today (or tomorrow) to make it more intentional, to do that one important thing that will make all the difference in your life?

Start small.

Start right now.

Create a sustainable life.

The perfect day doesn’t happen by accident. It is planned and executed one choice at a time.

It's wild, but I get high on life. If you’re not doing it, you should give it a try.